Let It Out: Why Feeling Your Feelings Matters

Feelings that are pushed down do not disappear. They wait, and they tend to grow louder the longer they are ignored.

Many of us learned early that some emotions were acceptable and others were not. Maybe you heard "stop crying," "don't be so sensitive," "I'll give you something to cry about," "grow up," or "just get over it." Over time, holding it all in can start to feel like strength, but in reality, bottling up emotions takes a quiet but real toll on your mood, your relationships, and even your physical health.

At Windrise Psychiatry and Wellness, we believe every feeling deserves room. Here is why letting your emotions out matters, what the research says, and practical ways to do it safely.

Every Feeling Has a Purpose

There are no "bad" emotions. Each one carries information about what we need, what we value, and what is happening around us.

• Sadness signals loss and invites rest, reflection, and comfort from others.

• Crying is one of the body's natural ways to release tension. Research suggests crying may activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of us that helps the body calm down (Gračanin et al., 2014). It also tends to draw comfort from the people around us.

• Joy and elation remind us what matters and help build resilience for harder days.

• Laughter releases tension and triggers the release of endorphins, the brain's natural feel-good chemicals, especially when we laugh with others. It also strengthens social bonds (Manninen et al., 2017).

• Anger tells us a boundary has been crossed or something feels unfair. The feeling of anger is not the problem. What we do with it is what counts.

• Fear and anxiety alert us to possible danger and prepare us to protect ourselves.

When we allow ourselves to notice and name these feelings, they tend to move through us. When we fight them, they tend to get stuck.

What the Research Says About Bottling It Up

Psychologists call the habit of hiding or holding back emotions "expressive suppression." Decades of research point to the same conclusion: it may look calm on the outside, but it costs us on the inside.

It is linked to more depression and anxiety. In a well-known study, people who routinely suppressed their emotions reported more depressive symptoms, less life satisfaction, and fewer positive emotions than those who processed feelings in healthier ways (Gross & John, 2003). A large review of over 100 studies found suppression and avoidance were consistently associated with anxiety and depression (Aldao et al., 2010).

Pushed-down thoughts tend to bounce back. Classic research on thought suppression found that trying not to think about something often makes it return more often, a "rebound effect" (Wegner et al., 1987). Actively try NOT to think about bunnies for the next two minutes. If I told you to set a timer and NOT to think about any type of bunnies until the timer goes off; not fluffy white bunnies, not brown bunnies, not long-eared bunnies, not black bunnies, not bunny babies, and not Easter bunnies, what do you think you are most certainly going to think about for the next two minutes? You guessed it.... bunnies. Even though thinking about cute little bunnies can't do any harm, turn this into a negative thought or feeling, and the next time you actively try not to think about it, the more you do it.

It increases isolation. People who hide their feelings tend to feel less close to others and receive less social support (Gross & John, 2003; Srivastava et al., 2009). Suppressing emotions during a conversation can even raise the other person's blood pressure and make connection harder (Butler et al., 2003).

It affects the body. Holding emotions in is associated with increased physiological stress responses (Gross & Levenson, 1997). One 12-year follow-up study found that people who habitually bottled up emotions had about a 35% higher risk of early death from any cause (Chapman et al., 2013).

Naming feelings helps. Brain imaging research shows that simply putting feelings into words, called "affect labeling," reduces activity in the amygdala, the brain's alarm center (Lieberman et al., 2007). Writing about difficult experiences has also been shown to improve mood and physical health over time (Pennebaker, 1997).

Sharing what you feel with someone you trust is one of the most protective things you can do for your mental health.

Talk to a Safe Person

Sharing what you feel with someone you trust is one of the most protective things you can do for your mental health. Strong social support is linked to lower rates of depression and better recovery from stress. Even the research on crying shows people feel most relieved when someone comforts them (Bylsma et al., 2008).

Not everyone in our lives is a safe place to land, though. A safe person usually:

• Listens without rushing to fix, judge, or minimize what you feel

• Keeps what you share private

• Does not use your feelings against you later

• Respects your boundaries and your pace

• Leaves you feeling calmer or more understood, not drained, ashamed, or anxious

• Shows up consistently, not only when it suits them

  
  

It can help to notice how your body feels around someone. Do your shoulders relax, or tighten? Do you feel free to be honest, or do you edit yourself? Your safe person might be a friend, partner, family member, faith leader, support group, or therapist. One trusted person is enough to start.

Healthy Ways to Let Feelings Out

Expressing emotions does not mean unloading on whoever is nearby. It means giving feelings a safe outlet so they can move through you.

Name it to tame it

• Pause and name the feeling: "I feel hurt," "I feel overwhelmed," "I feel angry." Get specific when you can.

• Use a feelings wheel if words are hard to find.

• Journal for 15 to 20 minutes about what you are feeling and why. Expressive writing has decades of evidence behind it.

  
  

Let sadness move

• Allow yourself to cry. Find a private space if you need one.

• Listen to music that matches your mood, then gradually shift to something uplifting.

• Wrap up in a blanket, take a warm shower, or hold a pet. Comfort is not weakness.

  
  

Release anger safely

• Know what actually works. Hitting a pillow or screaming can feel satisfying in the moment, but research shows high-energy venting tends to keep anger fired up. A 2024 review of 154 studies with over 10,000 participants found that activities that calm the body, such as slow breathing, muscle relaxation, mindfulness, and taking a timeout, reliably reduce anger (Kjærvik & Bushman, 2024).

• Take a timeout. Step away from the situation for a few minutes before you respond, and let your body settle.

• Try progressive muscle relaxation. Starting at your feet and moving up to your face, tense each muscle group for about 5 seconds, then release for 10 to 15 seconds and notice the difference.

• Slow your breathing. Try box breathing: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat several times.

• Write the letter you will never send. Putting angry feelings into words on paper lets you express them fully without damaging a relationship.

  
  

Make room for joy

• Laugh freely. Watch a comedy, call the friend who always cracks you up.

• Celebrate small wins out loud.

• Dance, sing in the car, or move your body in ways that feel good.

  
  

Care for the whole you

• Move your body regularly. Exercise is one of the best-studied mood boosters we have.

• Protect your sleep. Emotions are harder to manage when you are exhausted.

• Spend time outdoors.

• Limit alcohol and other substances used to numb feelings. They tend to make mood and anxiety worse over time.

• Try creative outlets like art, music, or crafting. Keep your hobbies intact.

  
  

When a Professional Can Help

Sometimes feelings are too heavy, too constant, or too tangled to sort through alone. That is not a failure. It is a sign that you deserve more support.

Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if you notice:

• Sadness, irritability, or worry that lasts most days for two weeks or more

• Trouble sleeping, eating, concentrating, or getting through your workday

• Pulling away from friends, family, or activities you used to enjoy

• Feeling numb or disconnected, as if you cannot feel anything at all

• Anger that feels out of control or is hurting your relationships

• Relying on alcohol, substances, or other behaviors to cope

A psychiatric provider can help by:

• Completing a thorough evaluation to understand what is driving your symptoms

• Creating a personalized treatment plan, which may include medication when appropriate

• Teaching evidence-based coping skills and helping you build emotional awareness

• Coordinating with a therapist for ongoing talk therapy, such as CBT or DBT

• Offering a consistent, nonjudgmental space to be fully honest

  
  

If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

You Do Not Have to Carry It Alone

Feeling your feelings is not weakness. It is one of the healthiest things you can do for your mind and body. Cry when you need to, laugh as often as you can, and let anger guide you toward what needs to change.

If you are ready for support, Windrise Psychiatry and Wellness offers compassionate, evidence-based psychiatric care through secure telehealth for adults in Arizona and Montana. Reach out today to schedule an appointment.

This post is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized medical advice.

References

• Aldao, A., Nolen-Hoeksema, S., & Schweizer, S. (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(2), 217–237.

• Butler, E. A., Egloff, B., Wilhelm, F. H., Smith, N. C., Erickson, E. A., & Gross, J. J. (2003). The social consequences of expressive suppression. Emotion, 3(1), 48–67.

• Bylsma, L. M., Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M., & Rottenberg, J. (2008). When is crying cathartic? An international study. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 27(10), 1165–1187.

• Chapman, B. P., Fiscella, K., Kawachi, I., Duberstein, P., & Muennig, P. (2013). Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 75(4), 381–385.

• Gračanin, A., Bylsma, L. M., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior? Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 502.

• Gross, J. J., & John, O. P. (2003). Individual differences in two emotion regulation processes: Implications for affect, relationships, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85(2), 348–362.

• Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103.

• Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2024). A meta-analytic review of anger management activities that increase or decrease arousal: What fuels or douses rage? Clinical Psychology Review, 109, 102414.

• Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.

• Manninen, S., Tuominen, L., Dunbar, R. I., Karjalainen, T., Hirvonen, J., Arponen, E., Hari, R., Jääskeläinen, I. P., Sams, M., & Nummenmaa, L. (2017). Social laughter triggers endogenous opioid release in humans. Journal of Neuroscience, 37(25), 6125–6131.

• Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166.

• Srivastava, S., Tamir, M., McGonigal, K. M., John, O. P., & Gross, J. J. (2009). The social costs of emotional suppression: A prospective study of the transition to college. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(4), 883–897.

• Wegner, D. M., Schneider, D. J., Carter, S. R., & White, T. L. (1987). Paradoxical effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53(1), 5–13.